Friday, February 10, 2012

8. The Affair

He swam for the next wave, he could feel the force of it swelling.  He positioned himself on the board, glancing toward the sand where his girlfriend Donna sat sunning herself.  She barely tolerated his obsession, but that was okay:  he barely tolerated her. 
He perched on the board, feeling glorious in this moment, suspended animation, he and his board united.  This was what he lived for.    

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This weekend's Trifecta writing challenge:  Produce a love scene, but absent the usual suspects (33 forbidden words:  stroke, quiver, whisper, hold, say, entice, moan, sigh, embrace, nibble, kiss, excited, taste, dance, passion, love, intimate, thigh, soft, hard, lips, heart, mind, beating, racing, music, candle, hair, wine, beach, fire, lust, desire). 

25 comments:

  1. Very well done in just a few words. So many women are always second in their lover's hearts.

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  2. well done. Writing something about love without those words is tricky...I know I struggled with it :)

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    1. the challenge reminds me of that game taboo where you cannot say the 5 words on the game card (example: the word is birthday but you cannot say cake, candles, presents, year, or celebrate-- good luck with that!). very fun challenge, I wanted to present that he could be in love with something that is not a person. hope that came across. :)

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  3. That is an awesome interpretation of the challenge. My brother-in-law, at his wedding dinner, said he decided to marry his bride because she understood that when he wasn't fishing for work, he'd be fishing for recreation. She's very young, he's 40. I crossed my fingers that they don't have kids.

    I think it was a perfect love scene and very clever.

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    1. thanks, karen-- I'm always trying to do something different from what's "expected" on these writing challenges. :)

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    2. I love the unexpected. Actually so many of the pieces have something I don't anticipate. It's fascinating ...

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  4. I love the irony of "the affair"! Short but potent. Nice.

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    1. thanks! in my first draft, I kinda rambled on and on about the powerful ocean and the taste of the saltwater, blah blah blah, but then I went back and re-read it, and then the story told me where it needed to end, "This was what he lived for." I love it when the story dictates, and then it isn't even about me anymore, it is about these characters made from my own words, and they are calling the shots.

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  5. This made me smile. Maybe because I related to it more than I'll admit. Nicely done.

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  6. When hubbymoose and I married he had a passion for his printing presses. He told me then that I would always be second . . . he was right . . . but we no longer have the shop or the presses.

    Well written.

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  7. Well done! As the mother of a competitive swimmer, I well understand the obsession that will always have other things come in second. :) Though, she's also 12 and "desperate" for love. Hahaha. Oh to be young again!

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  8. I loved that you took it somewhere different. Sometimes the best passions are the ones that don't talk back ;-)

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  9. i agree w Deus. we all have something that we can love unconditionally.

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    1. I agree. :) thanks for your comment.

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  10. "He barely tolerated her". I love the unexpected humor there!

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  11. Thanks so much for linking up this week. Remember, this week's entries are being judged by the Trifecta community so make sure you visit the site to register your vote. Hope you can join us for Monday's prompt!

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