Monday, August 12, 2013

105. A Story About Old Men, Donuts, Teenage Hearthrobs, and Why I Hate Fundraisers

When I was in eighth grade, we had to sell donuts for a school fundraiser.

My best friend Charlene and I knocked on the door of the first house.  No answer.  Nobody answered at the second house either.  This pattern repeated itself for the next 20 houses.  Finally someone opened her door.  Charlene recited the spiel. 

The woman hissed, “I’m diabetic,” then slammed the door.   

At another house, an elderly man answered. 

“Hello,” I squeaked, “Donuts for sale!” 

He took pity on us and wrote a check for five boxes.  He craned his neck to look past us.  “Where are the donuts?”

“We’ll deliver the donuts in three weeks,” explained Charlene with a fake smile.  “You pay now.” 

He grabbed the check back and ripped it up.  Wait for donuts?  What kind of scam is this?”  He tried to slam the door, but a ferret escaped.  He hobbled after it.

“Catch Doris!” he cried. 

Charlene chased that ferret like she was on Animal Control’s payroll.  This rude man was going to see what a helpful person Charlene really was, and what a big mistake he’d made.  The ferret ran up a tree and Charlene began to climb. 

This was the moment Kent Richenberg appeared.  Captain of the basketball team, on the student council, gorgeous. 

“Why is your friend in my grandpa’s tree?!?”

Charlene caught the ferret.  It looked like a cross between an ugly squirrel and a raccoon.  I was terrified.  Charlene shimmied down the tree, holding the ferret triumphantly by the scruff of its neck. 

“Thank you!” exclaimed Kent.  “Gramps loves that ferret!”

Before I could grasp what was happening, the ferret sprang out of Charlene’s hands and landed on me, taking a chunk of my flesh with its razor-sharp teeth. 

The next thing I remember, Kent, Charlene, Gramps, and neighbors who’d been hiding in their houses avoiding buying donuts, were hovering over me.  The ambulance arrived and I noticed blood covering my arm.

I was excused from selling donuts after that.    

trifecta writing challenge/ exactly 333 words/ required word is "grasp"


  1. Aw. I wanted all the neighbors to feel so guilty they bought all the donuts!

  2. Ferret bites hurt like crazy. Great story! Ferrets mixed with doughnuts - you don't get that every day! :)

  3. I never liked ferrets. This gives me one more reason to not like them. Very amusing.

  4. Entertaining story (since I'm not the one nursing wounds after a ferret attack! My friend's brother had a ferret. That thing would crawl into the couch cushions and bite your back...or worse, get your ankles from under the couch. I don't like ferrets much, and I don't like selling stuff even more.

  5. oh man!!! i couldn't stop reading this. very well told!

  6. Interesting and entertaining entry. Nice job.

  7. Very exciting... and I want to make a Krispy Kreme run.

  8. The woman hissed, "I'm a diabetic" - ha I liked that line, it really captures the absurdity of the whole enterprise leading up to the ferret incident.

  9. I desperately want this to be a true story. I, too, dislike ferrets. Ugh. Thanks for linking up. Remember to come back and vote at the end.

  10. Fantastic story, and you tell it very well. It almost begs to be read out loud - it's got that storyteller oral tradition feel to it. Great job.

  11. But did you get Kent's number? Because that would make it all worthwhile. :)

    This was such a fun read. Great flow. Thoroughly enjoyed it!

  12. sheesh, Kent really needs to come through with a date after all that "stink"! (those little boogers stink too, don't they?!)

  13. Huh, rodents. This was very funny and your POV voice was great. This was a very good YA story

  14. Aw, man! I hated selling things when I was a kid, too; getting bitten just adds insult to injury.

  15. I wonder what kept the neighbors in. Was it ferret fear?


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