Monday, July 15, 2013

99. Her

She hung the clothes up on the line,
Drove us kids to school at nine,
Walked the dog, fed the cat,
Ran some errands, bought a hat,
Cooked some lunch for herself,
Dusted books upon the shelf.


But when we returned home we found
Her corpse crumpled on the ground.
Pills or gun, it doesn’t matter,
Our suburban ideal had shattered.


“She seemed happy,” neighbors said,
(this was after she was dead).
I hear her voice sometimes at night,
I see her ghost, pale and white,
Please think of her and shed a tear,
No one saw a crack in the veneer.





MOV
*****
FICTION!  for trifecta, the word is "crack"

17 comments:

  1. A sad story, one told effectively in poem form. The first stanza is particularly powerful as the reader feels the commonplace activities building to an unusual conclusion.

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    1. Thanks, Jo-Anne. That's what I was going for: the mundane and what can be underneath it. Anyone on the outside looking in thinks she has the perfect life. I always feel this was when I read about a suicide-- what went wrong?!

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  2. Extreme desperate housewife? A great poem. Nice combination of form and meaning.

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    1. Thanks! I do think she is a desperate housewife. Somehow her life was empty?

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  3. Ahh ... perfect ! So simple and particularly ... 'this was after she was dead' and 'No one saw a crack in the veneer' ... It reminds me of some 'good' 'ol times !

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    1. Thanks, Shreya. I was trying to make the poem "sing-song," like a children's story. Also, when I read the word "crack" for the trifecta challenge, I immediately thought of "crack in the veneer" and wanted to use it somehow. Thanks for reading, and commenting!

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    2. I like the sing-song children's rhyme on this. Fits perfect. Makes it ironic and absurd.

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  4. I started reading it "sing-song" which made it pack an even more powerful punch as the story continued. Well done! Thanks for linking up. ~Mary Beth

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  5. Usually by the time the crack shows up, there's already something wrong underneath. Somber piece.

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  6. As Jo-Anne said (sort of), the contrast between the mundane and the tragic is very effective, as is the "crack in the veneer" interpretation of the prompt.

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  7. There was something wholly creepy about this story being told in an almost Doctor Seussian way. Good creepy!

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  8. Did NOT see that coming. I've come to expect humor from you because, well, you kick ass at it. I've read so many sad entries today that I sought yours out for a laugh before I had to open up a vein or something. It started out well. "Woo-hoo," I thought. "This is gonna be hilarious." Then BOOM! You got me. You really got me.

    So, I say all this to say, well done! You departed from the humor genre with a strong, moving piece.

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    1. wow! you just made my day-- thank you for your awesome comments. love reading your kind words!!!!

      xxo
      MOV

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    2. Then it's a win/win, because I'm more beautifuller since I commented. :)

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  9. That's pretty creepy and not a little shocking ... but also not all that untrue. My house is messy in part so that I don't kill anybody, myself included. At least that's what I tell people and myself. *shrug* Works for me.

    I'm glad to read one of your pieces again after I've been away for so long!

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  10. Wow. What a sad story. I like that you told it in a poem. Very interesting. I like the way the lines broke. Great use of the prompt.
    My response to the prompt: http://www.aliciaaudrey.com/blog/trifectaprompt-crack/ ‎

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