Monday, July 29, 2013

103. How to Rob a Bank Without Really Trying


I’d only worked at First National for about three years when it happened.  An elderly customer, Mrs. Oakton, came in and asked to speak to me privately in my office.  I took her coat, shut the glass door, and pulled out a chair for her.    

“Theo,” she said, handing me an envelope, “I need your help.” 
I thought maybe there was a document she wanted me to notarize, but instead it was a cashier’s check from B of A for 1.2 million dollars, in my name:  Theodore James Davis. 

She leaned back in her chair.  “Can you recommend the best way to invest the money?  This is what my deceased husband left me.” 
I was about to tell her that she should’ve had the check made out to the bank or herself, not me, and that I wasn’t that savvy with investments, but I could refer her to a certified financial planner, when she had a coughing fit.  I offered her some water, but she waved me off.  She reached into her purse and pulled out a tin of cough drops, inhaling one quickly. 

To my horror, her cough escalated into choking and her face turned blue.  I ran behind her chair and attempted the Heimlich maneuver. 
“Sharon!” I screamed out for my assistant, “Call 911!” 

The ambulance arrived quickly.  The paramedics did their best to band together to save her, but I knew she was dead even though legally they cannot say it until they get to the hospital. 
I’d forgotten all about the check until I got home that night and felt the envelope in my pants pocket.  I must have put it there in all the confusion. 

I probably would have returned the check if First National had not fired me.  They said I did not do enough to save her.  Screw them, I tried! 
B of A had no problem wiring the money to my new account in Canada.  Turns out, I am fairly savvy with investments after all.          

MOV
*****
trifecta writing challenge/ exactly 333 words/ required word is "band"
 
 

31 comments:

  1. OH, love the twist, the savvy way you weaved the word into the piece and the envy you left me with at the end.

    it was a good piece, interesting and witty, a little tongue in cheek (which I love). thank you for linking up!

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    1. thanks! it was a fun piece to write-- can't you totally see it as a short movie? (Woody Allen, are you listening??)

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  2. An intriguing twist of fate. Loved the ending.

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    1. thanks! I like bringing things full circle ("I wasn't that savvy with investments").

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  3. Fab ending to a fun well worded story!

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  4. This is fabulous from title to end. Such a fun read!

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    1. High praise coming from a writer I admire so much! thanks

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  5. Sure the word wasn't "bandit?"
    Very clever!

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  6. Well he got himself one heck of a severance package, didn't he :)

    Hope she doesn't have any other family who might come around looking for the money.

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    1. hence, the move to Canada........

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  7. I think Mrs Oakton had planned it all along. Clever old lady. Nice writing!
    Laura

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    1. that Mrs. Oakton. well, maybe she DID subconsciously plan it?

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  8. Wonderful! Not that I want any little old ladies to die, but if they have to go anyway I would love 1.2 million dollars.

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  9. awesome. :) not that she died, but that he got the money. woot!

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  10. Fun story. I like how you told it so matter of factly.

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  11. Hah...nice! Great twist on having all your dreams come true!

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  12. Oh, man. What a sweet deal! I wonder if the woman intentionally put the cheque in his name, wanting to help. Hmmm...

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    1. you never know........ fate works in mysterious ways.

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  13. Theodore James Davis seems destined for success!
    Fun post.

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    1. oh, that lucky Theo. (Although, maybe he still has nightmares about her choking in front of him?)

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  14. Haha! This is awesome--too bad it's not a voting week at Trifecta!

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