While he did
earn points for honesty, those were quickly obliterated by his alarming lack of
tact.
Sophie.
Why would Sophie ask Mike when she knew that Deidre liked him? Sophie and Deidre were not friends, but
everyone knew that Deidre and Mike were dating.
Well. Deidre knew.
And Mike knew. Didn’t he?
Didn’t the
movies with five other friends register as a date? Or being study partners for the chemistry
exam? The teacher let them pick their
own partners, and he’d asked her. Sure,
she was the top student in the class, but still. Then Deidre had assumed they’d go to prom
together, and Mike didn’t run out the door when she brought it up.
“I bought my
prom dress,” she had said coyly in between reciting chemistry formulas. “It’s red.”
“Who are you
going with?” she remembers him asking.
“You, silly!”
He blushed,
and he kissed her. Well, if Deidre was
being honest, she kissed him. But he
didn’t resist. He had kissed her back
for a second or two. It was a good kiss
as kisses go, not that Deidre had anything to compare it to.
When he ran
into her at the local club's pool a
week later, she was excited. A new place
they hadn’t been together! That brought
their total dates to three—four if she added the time he dropped off her jacket.
But at the
club his words tumbled out like nickels from a loose slot machine: Deidre-I’m-sorry-we-need-to-talk-it-will-only-take-a-minute.
And it did
only take a minute. Just like that, he
was done: I’d rather go with her.
She swam the
length of the pool again, faster. I’ll show him, she thought.
She felt the
ice-cold water against her skin as she kicked hard, and the space seemed
infinite in front of her.
MOV
I like.
ReplyDeletenice =)
ReplyDeleteIf this is how it works, I'm definitely in a committed relationship with my cute UPS guy. I might just plant one on him when he shows up for our next "date." :)
ReplyDeleteNice work. Thoroughly enjoyed it!
Great development of the character (and our perception of her) in such a short story. I like it!
ReplyDeleteUnrequited love. Ouch!
ReplyDeleteUrrghh... that takes me back to a cringe-worthy episode from my early teens! Well-written, to evoke those buried memories!
ReplyDeleteBrilliantly captured emotion in so few words - so glad I'm not a teenager anymore!
ReplyDeletethe pain of that kind of rejection and misunderstanding still stings in adulthood.
ReplyDeletebut the way you described it, the description of what she felt, what she thought he felt was spot on for that age group, and stung just as much.
Your words gave it the splash!
Ouch, you captured well her character, as well as the heartbreak of rejection.
ReplyDeleteHow heartbreaking. I hope she finds someone else, someone better.
ReplyDeleteThe thoughts of a teenager well captured, and I love that last line - without her knowing it, it suggests that all of life is ahead of her, and she'll be over him soon enough.
ReplyDeleteour own perceptions can be bliss until they clash with someone else's - very well expressed :)
ReplyDeletelovely portrayal of how we too often make assumptions in our relationships - kids have it the worst as they are just learning - Great last line to end your piece as well :-)
ReplyDeletethis is wonderful. i think anyone can relate to thinking a relationship is just that, 'a relationship', until the other person informs us, it's not. It's a sting for sure. I like how she decided 'she'd show him'.
ReplyDeleteI could see how maybe he might have been put off by her. But there are other fish in the...ah, pool. I hope she doesn't dwell on him and instead finds someone else!
ReplyDeleteglad you caught that she is a bit pushy-- heck, I wrote her and it was hard for ME to be sympathetic to her!! she is one of those characters that you feel for, but you also wish would get a clue. poor Deidre.........
DeleteLove the list of dates. Admit I squirmed a bit, thinking of opportunities I've tried to create by stretching my inner life around reality.
ReplyDeleteGreat story, MOV!
Good writing.
ReplyDeleteoops.. why some relationships fail before they started
ReplyDeleteA case of someone too hopeful for their own good. Great characterization in this. I feel like I personally know Deidre.
ReplyDeleteI liked the reference, His words came out like nickels in a slot machine. Good read.
ReplyDelete